Monday, April 23, 2012
Information is a double edged sword.
When my husband was deeply involved in his online affairs I thought I had hit the jackpot when I came up with his twitter password and had started an undercover affair with him. I was rolling in information. I knew that I would never again have the "you're the crazy suspicious wife" conversation, I win! Right? I never had that converstaion again, as a matter of fact there wasn't a lot of conversation at all. With every sex chat and exchanged picture and email right in front of him there wasn't much to say. What I was left with was the details of every sex chat, email and the visual of every picture. I had the details of how unhappy he was, how I contributed to that, why and how much he didn't like me or our marriage. That is more information than I want now. Did he say all of those things to gain sympathy from these women or did he really mean it? I'll never know. Be prepared, very prepared with self esteem protected before you start the digging process.
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Wow ... that is impressive my friend!!! Yes, the way you went about catching him is impressive!!! Now, I hear ya on the "who knows if that way was the best" but it is VERY BRAVE!!!! I always have to give some praise to women who do stand up for themselves and do what they need to do for themselves!!! You did!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya ... that is a lot of info to know! I am the type (and I am married to a recovering sex addict) that needs details because for me it helps to break the line of the lying so honesty for me is the only way to heal!
BUT, the details you got are crazy!!!! That must be so hard.
I remember one email I found from him to his "other person" at the time. It said some things about how he needed her and would never leave her and some shit like that. Now, my hubby was actually insane and on a sex addiction bender ... but that isn't an excuse! Anyway, that is something that often plays in my head b/c it was so raw, came from him and his places of pain .... and so hard to read. I still see it in my head from time to time.
I also know that even though he was so unhappy (with himself for much of his life) ... yes, I may have contributed to that in his head. Much of that was his projecting his unhappiness onto me and using me as an excuse to justify his own mental anguish. I didn't truly contribute to his unhappiness but he believed I did. Really understanding that has been a HUGE key to our recovery!
Are you and your hubby still together?
Thanks for sharing and keep doing it. There are so many others that need help out there and those of us with a loud enough VOICE can really provide some hope to others going through this too!!!!!